Thursday, March 24, 2011

Is it ok to go bra-less???

Well I bet that got your attention!!! But this is a very serious question. I have never done it for any length of time. I am not sure where I got this notion, but for some reason, I have always held the belief that if you go bra less for even a day or two you might wake up one morning and the girls would be talking face to face with your belly button. I mean- isn't it painful? How do you walk? OR RUN??? And don't even get me started on jumping- that would just be a beat -you- about- the -head -fest. Don't the girls need to be bolted down- locked and loaded? I just don't get it. Unless they are the size of quarters- you could hurt yourself. People have told me it's great to go commando up top but won't you eventually pay for it someday when you can tuck them into your waistband? It's kind of along the same lines as plucking your eyebrows- isn't it? You have to be smart and look down the road a little. At some point, you have no eyebrows.
Speaking of eyebrows...

When I was in first grade, one of the teachers we steered clear of if at all possible was Mrs. Kopeland. She was obviously a rabid plucker because she had to draw her eyebrows on. The amazing thing is she actually drew them on "MEAN". I kid you not- she drew them in a menacing down turn and we were scared spit less of her, with good reason. Singing time was always a time of great peril. They would smash all three classes of first graders into one classroom , sit us all on the floor and make us sing. Back then there was no ADD or ADHD, no partial autism, no dyslexia or behavioral syndromes. No aids sitting one on one with the kid who acted out or couldn't learn. There were just good kids and bad kids, smart kids who could read and dumb lazy kids who couldn't read. So one fine day as 150 of us sat on the tile floor for an hour singing our tiny hearts out, one of the "bad" kids had had enough and was acting up a bit-talking instead of singing- which was a sin of the highest order. To be fair Mrs. K told him once to be quite, turn around and sing. Well he didn't. That was all it took. She actually picked him up by the collar, hauled him to the door and drop kicked him across the hall into another class room. I am not even exaggerating. This is a true story- no word of a lie! Can you imagine the consequences to a teacher if she did that today? That kids parents would sue her and she would be out of a job-NO wait- she belongs to the teachers union so they would just pass her onto another school where she could glare at and terrorize new, unsuspecting kids with her one, mean, drawn on eyebrow. It should be said here that that boy hadn't learned the fine art of escaping a first grade teachers wrath. I had. How you ask? I will tell you.
I had Miss Morris for first grade. I liked her- for the most part she was nice. She was a MISS after all and hadn't been hardened to a life of teaching dumb first graders yet. But one day we were supposed to copy a poem about mittens from the board ....BORING. I diddled around most of the day and when she came around to collect the papers I think I had maybe the first line done. She was mad. Not one eyebrow mad, but peeved none the less. She didn't even think my one line was very impressive so she made me go get another piece of paper and start over. I went and got the paper but I sort of slammed it down on my desk, as hard as a first grader can slam a piece of paper. BIG MISTAKE. She grabbed me and hauled me out in the hall and told me I was on my way to the principals office.

SIDE NOTE. In 1962, this was something akin to being lead to the gulag or a torture chamber. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING was scarier than being sent to the principals office. I do not know why they teach you the way to remember the difference between spelling principal and principle is to remember that the PRINCIPAL is your "PAL" PFFFF! No he most certainly is not!! He is your grim reaper/ executioner/Freddy Kruger before there even was a Freddy Kruger!!!

Ok so there I am in the death clutches of Miss M. Think fast tiny, defenseless first grader. What do teachers hate more than bratty little girls with a bit of attitude? VOMIT!!! The big splat kind where the school janitor pours saw dust on it and leaves it there for all to see.That is the ticket. I don't know how my 6 year old brain grabbed onto that thought but it was brilliant and I was going with it. I couldn't make myself actually blow lunch, but I could certainly fake it. So I told her I was going to hurl and she let go of me like I was a stinky sock! Freeeeeee! She told me to go to the bathroom and when I got back I was to sit there and finish that poem. Off I skipped to the restroom and then- I skipped all the way home. That was my second mistake. DAH-there are telephones!!!My Mom was a co-conspirator, drat her hide. I went into a tale as to why I was home and she just listened to me lie my little heart out. Then she said get your coat, you're going back. WHAT THE....????
Back I went. I had to sit in my desk while the afternoon class stared at me and write a poem about stupid, stinky mittens. Oh the shame. But hey- I didn't have to go to the principals office!
And that, my friends is why I shall never go bra less!!! Let that be a lesson!

1 comment:

Lisha said...

I had no idea you were so devious!
And I agree that bra-less is a no-no ... except for if you're sleeping.