Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I do NOT heart Cafe Rio

I know, I'm the only person in the whole wide world who doesn't LOVE and pine away for Cafe Rio. When last in Salt Lake City, Whitney, who would sell her first, second, and last born child to eat there, made us go to said dreaded restaurant.  Not once, but TWICE.  Two times the aggravation and assault on the ears, senses and taste buds!   Well, it's not horrible food, (unless you make the mistake of ordering the fish taco, which sounded good on the sign and I love fish so in my ignorance thought it sounded good.  Note: to those of you thinking "who orders a fish taco?" and "you got what you deserved," let me explain myself.  I always watch the food channel, why I don't know because 1-it makes me hungry, and 2- the fish tacos people are having food conniptions over look sooo yummy, but they don't exist.  They never seem to materialize, no matter where I try to find them.  On the Cafe Rio sign it said fresh fish with coleslaw...NOT! The fish was not fresh and it was salmon.  I could stay home and get salmon!  SALMON is the only freaking fish they have in Canada!  And coleslaw?  This is the same dang lettuce you shovel on everything else in here, dag nab it, who are you trying to kid???!!!)
Back to why I hate Cafe Rio...
First of all you have to stand in line for an entire lifetime.  To be fair, the first trip wasn't as bad because it was 2:30 in the afternoon and the "lunch crowd" had thinned considerably, so our wait wasn't too long, but long enough for me to read the menu and come up with fish taco. Actually, I am going to forget about the first trip, I have sort of blocked it out- it was a I am going to give you an account of the second trip into hell on earth.
We waited just inside the door at the back of the line for literally 45 minutes.  It wasn't too bad because we didn't have any hungry children to entertain (can you imagine???!!!) I was lucky enough to have my sis in law and Paige with me so the time passed by quite nicely.  BUT 45 MINUTES?  for this abuse???
The lady behind the glass that I am too short to see over says "Ihepya?"
I cleverly deduce that this must be where I give my order because you have to begin somewhere and this is as good a place as any. Because I took 2 years of Jr. Highschool Spanish, I will now translate for you.   Ihepya translated means "good evening, I am sorry for the long wait, but Id be pleased as punch to take your order now."  Isn't it funny how such a short word in a foreign language translates?  And vise versa: In Japanese, domo arigato gozimass (sp?)translates to "thanks".  Awe the intricacies and nuances of human verbal interactions.  The art of communication! a pox on ....I digress.
Well after 45 minutes I still know only one fish taco.  I don't know what I want because it all looks the same to me.  Burrito, enchilada, casadilla, tostada... it all looks like a pile of lettuce.
Me-"I'll have the taco salad please." Why confuse the lady- it's all taco salad.
BLAM- tortilla  slammed in a tin foil bowl.  Now comes the hard part.
Taco Nazi-"backapino?"
Me-"pardon me?
Taco Nazi-"BACAPINO????" Dang-I got nuthin!   I rise up on my tippy toes as high as I can and peer over the wall, hoping to maybe SEE what she's saying.  She has her dripping spoon clutched tightly in her hand and I know if I don't say something in the next 1.4 seconds she's going to hit me with it.  I search my brain trying to remember my 2 years of Jr. High Spanish but for the life of me, I can't recall bacapino. I do know that sometimes the "N" in pronounced ENYAY. Back-o pinyo? that can't be right.  Biblioteca?  Nope- that means library.  Not entirely sure, but I don't think that's on the menu. I look at Paige for help.   PPFFF! she's 5 foot tall, she can't even begin to see over the wall.  I look desperately to the Nazi for a clue and she yells it even louder.  OOOOH the volume helps!!! Black or pinto!  "Black please." BLAM! drippy black beans are slammed onto the tortilla and then she says"rize?"
Me -Pardon me? (this is getting to be a habit)
Nazi- "RIZE?"  Again with the volume- They must think I'm deaf.  There are 400 people in there and it is kind of hard to hear. Rize- I comply- tip toes- not much help but the spoon is shaking in her hand so I figure what difference does it make, it's some kind of food and it's probably ok so I mutter yes please.
Balm- rice it hurled unceremoniously on top of the now runny gooey black mass.  OHHHH, RICE! She glares at me, shoves my salad down the line and I am onto the next nazi. Darn it, I was just starting to understand her.  We had something going. A pithy conversation, she and I.  Oh well, I am nothing but resilient, so I move down the line, girding my loins for the next test.
Nazi-"meed?"  Shoot.  One word, this should be easy.
Me- "pardon me?"
Nazi-"MEEEEED!" Again with the yelling and again with the tip toes.  There are pans of "stuff" and her claw is racing around over the top of them.  Hmmmmmm .I eek out "yes please?"
Nazi with one very angry eyebrow-" whakinemeedyowand??"
Think Carol- what's in a taco salad?  Taco- meat MEED!  CHICKEN!! I want chicken.  I am very proud of myself now, but it doesn't last for long.
Second nazi proceeds with a string of totally illegible ingredients, one of which is sheese.  You said it lady, SHEEEESH! Wait no I hate sheese, no sheese!  Leedus?  Not into temptation? yes please.  Note:  The amount of lettuce they hurl on your salad, taco, or enchilada is directionally proportionate to the size of your head and shoulders- how they know that size is beyond me because you are by now cowering behind the glass wall mumbling please, for the love of all that is holy, just put on what ever you would eat. Whitney has given me orders that she wants shredded lettuce, not chopped.......Yeah that's not going to happen- you're getting whatever the heck kind of leedus the nazi gives you, girlfriend!!  I come away with salsa and who the heck knows what else but I am adamant that I want those little strips of hard taco shells on top of this mess.  Who says there are not miracles in the last days?  I tell her to put the hard little taco strips on top please.  She does!  I am cooking with gas now- I've got this mastered!!  "dresin?"  Pride goeth before the fall.  Oh what fresh hell is this?
I fall back on my regular- "Pardon me?"  "DRESIN?" as in you dumb, deaf ignorant gringo, Dresin DRESIN!!!!  Salad dressing! Yes please.  One eyebrow.  WHHHHHHakine? OH.  Whitney has given me very strick orders- Lime cilantro dressing.  That's the part that makes all this eatable!  Me-"Lime cilantro please." bang bam slam in the bag, pay your pesos and we are OUTTA HERE!!!!
I am wondering how my Canadian husband got through that gauntlet so unscathed.  I ask him how he managed this.  "I don't care what they are saying I just tell them what I want." SIGH. Well that might have been good to know an hour ago!!!
So we get home, through 2 feet of slush and snow and miles of traffic, with our piles of soggy lettuce, with who the heck knows what's under it, but hey, I got the hard little taco strips on top so I am deliriously happy, ecstatic beyond belief so get ready to go into gastronomic Nirvana people!!!! and we discover to our utter displeasure and dismay ust h(slight understatement) they have NOT given us lime cilantro dressing.  Instead we have some oil on the top, dark green glop on the bottom goo that has congealed and doesn't smell very nice, and Whitney is furious.  That's the best paaaaart, she wails .  Yeah, I know- that's what makes the lettuce taste good.  I refuse to go back.  It is snowing and has been snowing for 3 days.  I will not go back there for that abuse a third time. I look at the green crud and think to myself just pour it on, close your eyes and eat it!  My sister in law, who is the kindest soul on the planet takes Whitney back to hell and retrieves the correct dressing.  Just how they did that is still a mystery and will forever be a mystery to me.  Just one of those things that you have to take on faith.  I know they gave me the WRONG dressing to spite my ignorant, spanish illiterate self. 
I do NOT heart Cafe Rio!!!! I could have gone to Cowboy Grub and had a lovely scone with honey and butter! Hey, maybe they have hooneyantbadder at Cafe Rio and I could have that on a tortilla.
I'll suggest that nestime I am drug to that place.  I got news for ya.... NEVER AGAIN!!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

10 on Tuesday

Hmmm -skipped a few Tuesdays I see.  ho hum.

1. Just got back from a trip with the entire family (minus Kurt, dag nab it-see #2) to Salt Lake City.  We picked such an opportune time to travel...NOT!  Freezing rain, followed by 2 feet of wet snow, creeping along at 40 klicks-that's kilometers for you American folk, up hill traffic came to a standstill on a mountain side outside of Helena, Montana, with both Paige and I doing the pee pee dance- Oh my lanta!  13 hours of frosty frozen fun.

2. Kurt was going to fly down the day after we went but the roads were so bad they opened and closed them off and on all day.  Good thing because he ended up in the ditch.  An angel showed up instantly(I am not kidding, where did this guy come from) with not one but two shovels and dug Kurt out.  I told him to turn around and go home.  SO he missed all the family fun and we missed him, but oh well, what ya gonna do when you live in a shoe???

3.  We went down to visit my Mom.  She was diagnosed with multiple cancers and given 2 months to live.  This is not going to be a winter I will want to remember.  But it was so good that she met all of her new great grandsons, whom she had never met with the exception of Roman.  She did see him once when he was 6 months old.  And my parents got to finally meet Eric, their newest grandson in law.  Poor Eric was force fed ice cream and thrown into the deep end with half of the Davis clan- Sink or swim buddy!!!

4. We had a breakfast at my brothers house.  24 adults, 9 and 8.9/9th kids (Lindsay was in labor off and on throughout the day-yikes!) and 4 dogs.  We had a marvelous time!!  Sometimes its better to not know what you are missing... now I miss my family sooooo much!

5. We stayed with a friend of mine who I have known most of my life.  Michele and her family made us so welcome- they opened their home and hearts to us and Scott made bacon at 10 pm for Paige.  Paige has a new BFF!!!The snow was insane!  We had to move broken tree branches to get in and out of the lane that they live on but it was absolutely breath taking!  Beautiful!  We all decided to move in for good.....just kidding Scott!

6. I am not going to talk about the election.  Except to say once shame on him, twice shame on you!!! I do think that Mitt Romney is a good man and it would have been nice to see if he could make a difference for the country.  I believe he was put there to make people accountable for their choices.  It's just sad that everyone will be brought down in the process.

7. Back to work- pumped out two fun photo shop pieces this morning, sent them to New York and poooof! I love to hear "send us the files"  No revisions, no tweaking. AWESOME!  I called them "Flower Power"-  Kind of a throw back to the 60's I suppose.

8. Before we left for Salt Lake, we said good bye to my niece, Gina Zilke.  She died at the age of 41.  Way too young!  She had cancer..I am sensing a pattern which I really do not like.   Why is it we can put men in space but we can't figure out how to do away with this horrid, insipid disease?  My good friend Peggy Gurney is in the hospital with a second bout of it and another sweet friend's husband Don is fighting his second go round.  Another friend has fought it back for the third time and she is doing well, which I am grateful for.   Cancer reaches out and destroys each and every family at one time or another.  It is all around me right now and I feel helpless in it's path.  I do NOT heart cancer!!!

9. I am feeling like life is accelerating in some way, that things are coming to a head and there's going to be some very rocky times ahead for all of us.  It makes me stop and wonder if I am prepared.  I am betting that I am not as prepared as I should or could be.  This next few months will be very challenging.  I am thankful for my knowledge of a loving God who knows us all personally and who sees the big picture.  Now more than ever we need to trust in him.  That's all we may have to get us through.

10. BUT...right now I'm going to go split some heads at hockey!  Too much doom and gloom is NOT good for the soul!