Did I mention I do not like New Years? I think I am a curmudgeon, a grump, a bah humbug if you will! I don't like change. I don't want to get used to writing 2013 on checks-not that I write more than 8 checks in a year, but still! I didn't like watching self serving politicians decide if we could fall off a financial cliff- whew that was close, thank you oh wise ones for saving us...PUKE!! (as if we won't be right back on the precipice of that same stupid cliff in 2 months...SIGH!) I don't like how fast time seems to be rushing by. I don't want to be optimistic about the future and excited about the prospects. They are the same"prospects" I did last year. Work a lot, play a bit, eat too much, gain and lose the same 5 pounds over and over...feel like I am not accomplishing much, kind of flailing about, playing at being an adult and failing miserably. What is an adult anyway? New Years reflections are painful, and resolutions are hard and changing is just so tiring. I don't even know where to start changing or what to change and there's this nagging feeling that I should change something but there are too many things so it's easier to just maintain the status quot, curl up in a ball and eat more cookies. I do this thing where I put away the Christmas crud, little by little because that too is a chore, I continue to eat the Christmas goodies because you can't waste them and as soon as they are gone, I will start to eat correctly again and lose the fab 5, and I sort of keep stepping close to the New Year like it's a lump in the road covered by a blanket. I don't know what it is, it could be anything but do I really want to see what's under there? I have a good idea what's under there but I think it might be worse than I imagine. Leave the blanket on- then you don't have to deal with it.
Some people are just so darn excited to crawl under that blanket- thinking they can change the outcome of what's under there. I think I used to be one of them. But now I have a feeling of being swept along, not quite in control, powerless to change the lumps of life in the road. The lumps are bigger, they are getting meaner and I am getting old and tired. Where do you find the energy to fight life's road apples? Where do you get the will to shovel road kill?
The good thing is after living in the New Year a few weeks, wearing it around like a pair of new boots for awhile, breaking it in, realizing that it's a whole year until I have to do it again, somewhere, mostly by the grace of God, I perk up and get excited about life again. I guess there's a will to achieve something, even if I'm not sure what that something is. You feel all those lumps in the road but after awhile, they get old and flat and worn and more comfortable. So yeah, out with the old, in with the new I guess.
Problem is part of that "new" is going to be dealing with the death of my Mother. There I said it. That is one hard lump. I guess everyone has to go through this and I am no exception. But I don't really know how to do it right. Is there a right? Maybe I don't have to figure that out- It just is what it is. Where did that saying come from? I seem to be using it more and more, as if it explains everything. What it is...is, as my Mom put it, just a stupid thing. She makes me laugh.
So Happy freaken New Year, folks. Don't worry, I'll be back to me old self soon. What do they say? You can't keep a good man down? They also say before you judge someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Good advise- cause if that guy gets mad, he'll be a mile away and you've got his shoes! Aren't "THEY" smart! And as Charlie Brown (or should I say Charles Schultz) said...I am only going to dread one day at a time! One last piece of sage wisdom to get me through... this one by Mark Twain- one of my favorites...I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. SO I shant be borrowing 2013 troubles just yet. And look- there are still more cookies! yipee...see. I am cheerier already.