those burning questions in life

You know which ones I'm talking about- Where did I come from, why am I here, where do you go after you die. No, not those ones- I know the answers to those questions. I am talking about questions nobody seems to know the answer to. Questions like what is a Mr. Clean magic eraser made of? Think about it- it takes absolutely EVERYTHING right off the wall or cupboard or refrigerator when simple soap and water or any other cleaner fails miserably. What is that thing????
Also- why do some women hug John for 9 months (like me) and others never feel sick, not even a little bit. What is with that injustice I ask you!!! That is the first question I am going to ask when I get to heaven- or Hell, which ever comes first. That man at the gates had better watch himself because he is going to get an earful!
What really is dejavue and how the shmell do you spell it? I also want to know how some people can spell and others like me never could. I think people who can't spell are more creative- We see all kinds of possibilities, we are not ridged and stuck to one set of rules. (Thank the Gods of technology for spell check!!!) Even then I get it wrong.
Some of those burning questions you kind of figure out in time- like what in Satans kitchen is a dust bunny, are they actually living organisms and why do they hide in corners and behind doors as opposed to taking up residence in the middle of a room. How can they be smart enough to hide?? I think I figured this one out. Could it be because I have 2 boxers and a cat? But then there are people without any animals living in their houses and they still have dust bunnies, so that blows my theory right out of the pond.
Speaking of animals, anyone who knows me has realized long ago that I love animals more than some people. But last night I started to rethink on that just a tad. As I mentioned before I have a few pets. I tolerate a lot from them and they are extremely spoiled. Boxers are not the sharpest crayons in the box but they are extremely sweet natured and they wouldn't hurt a child or anyone else for that matter. The main problem with a boxer is because of their short nose, they gulp air when they eat or drink, and said air needs to escape, and I am not talking burps. I live in a continual fog of dog flatulence. At night, they insist on sleeping in our room (I know, I know, I could be the one who insists on where they sleep but they have me wrapped around their stubby little tails and I just can't say no.) The odor in that room can literally straighten and or curl hair. It's GhAStly-emphasis on the gas! And to top it all off, Chief, who is the large male and is almost 14 years old, has started to snore so bad that you simply can not sleep through it. We need new carpet, and I want to put hardwood on the stairs but Chief slips on non carpeted surfaces, so we wait.... for the end...and we wait. He hasn't quite figured out how to go to heaven and even though I know how he can go to heaven the thought of that just stops me cold. I have dust bunnies in my house the size of small children- I kind of enjoy horking them up in the vacuum, they are quite impressive really. They scare me a little, but I am armed with their nemesis- Mr. Vacuum, so it's all good.
But this no sleep thing has got to stop. I got really fed up and tough about it last night-Yup- I went and slept in another room- I'll show em! Take that, you snoring, drooling fart factories!!
In the summer we take the dogs with us to the lake. We have a very nice trailer, but at night, well, you can guess, it's H-E -double hockey sticks in there. The dogs turn it into a hot box of foul aromas. Because we are in the Montana mountains, it's a bit chilly at night- I'm good with that, I like having a reason for a blanket. But sometimes it gets even too cold for me, so we shut the windows... and we suffer. As I lay there wide awake with the blankets over my nose and ears (others in said trailer have a snoring problem as well) I just remind myself that I can sleep all day on the beach. Isn't that what vacations are for?
Enough of those dogs- and don't even get me started on the cat! All I can say about that is HOLY ATTITUDE, BATMAN! Oh my lanta, cats are so different from dogs. Dogs just want to be your constant friend, love you no matter what, are excited when you come home even if you just went outside to get something out of your car, they act like you've been gone for a year and it's a fond reunion each and every time. But a cat- ppfff- they could care less about you, unless you are doing something you need them to stay away from, like painting or cooking, or photo shopping. Then they are all over you like white on rice. EVERYTHING is done on their time frame, their agenda and it has to be their idea or you can go pound sand. I love it. It's like having a tiny wild animal running around your house...making dust bunnies and attacking your feet whilst you are trying to sleep through snoring and dog toot haze.
HHHMMM what was I talking about?? Oh right, the burning questions of life.
Oh, who gives a fig- I just want to know how to get a good nights sleep!!!