I hate that cat!

Here's why- among other reasons. Last Sunday I came home from church and there were bird feathers ALL over my closet. I cleverly deduce that there has got to be a dead bird SOMEWHERE in there, (no shizzz, Sherlock...ya think?) but I can't find it. Stewart and I tear everything out of the closet- no small feat -and we couldn't find it. I am chucking shoes and pants and hiking equipment left right and center, all the while cringing because at any minute I am going to find that little beat up body and I just KNOW it's going to fall on me or touch me-SHUDDER! SO we figured maybe she ate it. Don't know why I thought that because she never eats them, just leaves them for us to dispose of. So we ignore it. I vacuumed up the feathers, put everything back and went about my business- knowing full well that at some point I am going to smell dead bird. The next day the cat is making a horrible sound. Kind of guttural and growly. And the day after that she can't meow at all- which is actually kind of nice, because she meows like she is being strangled and it's loud and annoying and wakes me up 2-3 times a night. Maybe she really did eat that bird and now it's lodged in here throat! BWAHHAH serves her right. It's not all bad, mind you. She just kind of squeaks or has that growly sound, which is actually quite funny. She sounds kind of like the girl in the Exorcist- I know that cat is possessed but now she even sounds like she is. It's a little scary.
So last night I walk in my room and I smell this dead smell, and I know there has GOT to be a dead bird in there- We again took EVERYTHING out of the closet and still we couldn't find it. GAHHH! The guy is at our house putting in carpet. I wonder could it be a glue smell? Nice try- it's not glue, dang it, and I know it. Maybe it's my hiking boots. That is a good possibility. They do get a good work out. I bravely stick my nose in my boots. CH#@UZ**SUSH! nope- not them- they stink but it's not the same stink. I throw all my shoes out of the closet. (seriously would you ever wear all these shoes...EVER???)

SIDE NOTE: Why do we keep every pair of shoes we've ever owned? Because our feet never gain weight or sag or get wobbly bits like the rest of us. They just hang out down there always being the same and shoes are easy to buy because you don't look fat in shoes, right? Think about it.

So yes, now all the shoes are all over the bedroom and I can't smell the smell in the closet as much-That should have been my clue- but no- I still think that tiny corps is in there, but can I find it? NO sir. I look into ever single shoe! No bird. I can't smell it now, so again I ignore it but for good measure, I douse the entire closet and it's contents with fabreeze. Now it smells like dead bird and purfume...really strong perfume. I am now thinking at some point this dead bird will become a skeleton and then it won't stink and my life will go on as before, ignorance is bliss and all.... SHUDDER! But I have to go help put stuff back in the newly carpeted rooms, so I leave the graveyard for now, in the hopes that it will just magically disappear.

Stewart came downstairs about an hour later and shoves my running shoe under my nose and says is this what you smelled? I am thinking "Well dang, you dolt, it's a running shoe. Of course it's not going to smell like roses!" GAG- it's the dead bird! Shoved right down low in the toe so I couldn't see it. Stewart wants to know why I didn't check ALL the shoes, and I said I did! I looked into every blessed one of them. BUT I was most certainly NOT going to shove my hand down into all those dark dank shoes with the knowledge my hand was going to light upon a dead, smelly, squishy bird.
ANOTHER SIDE NOTE! Have you ever felt a dead, lifeless anything? I don't know what it is but touching lifelessness is not something I relish. Once my old boyfriend had some huge geese he had shot and for some unknown reason I picked one up by the throat. I pride myself on not being a screaming girl. I dropped that bird so fast and yup- I screamed. Oh the shame. I will never forget how it felt. Soft but lifeless and limp and not at all what I expected..(not sure just what I expected) but ever since then touching something dead is not a pleasant experience.

My running shoe is now out in the garage, minus one bird, but not allowed back in the house. I don't quite know what to do with it. Right this very minute I am thinking about the horror that might have ins-sued should I have attempted to put that shoe on my unsuspecting foot. OH MY GOSH!!!! pfff - I don't love running, who needs running? I really do hate that cat!!!