AUTOMOBILES- part 3

Planes-check, trains-check, extra credit for bus-check, on to automobiles.
My good friend Jackie decided that we needed to go to Utah to visit our respective families. Sounded like a good idea, except that it was in the middle of winter. No worries- in Canada- if you stayed home because it was a bit blustery outside, you would never leave your house. So off we went. After 5 days of- well -staring at the walls because it's also winter in Utah- I had had enough, and when Jack called to ask do you want to go home tomorrow, a day earlier than we planned, I said YES PLEEEEEASE!!! Problem was another huge storm was supposed to hit. We didn't care, we were done like dinner! Looking back on it now- dinner should have stayed in the oven a bit longer because that was one heck of a storm.
We got out of Utah with little incident but when we hit Mallad Pass in Idaho, all traffic had come to a blizzard induced hault. The pass was closed. We sat in the truck under a bridge for a couple of hours. We made our own playing cards out of paper. ummm hmmm it was a good time. When we saw that the snow plows were headed up the pass we squeaked in behind them and drove about 10 miles per hour but we were moving toward home so we didn't care. There was a problem though. The windshield wipers couldn't keep up with all the snow and they were freezing up with ice. Jackie drove with one hand on the wheel and the other one out the window, constantly flicking the wiper on her side, trying to free the snow and ice so she could see. I traveled with my head out the other window attempting to tell her where the side of the road was in case we went in the ditch. A good time was had by...well...neither of us, but hey- we were not sitting in condo's in Utah with our elderly parents trying to entertain ourselves!

Side note. Do NOT get me wrong. We love our parents and it was nice to visit- but after 5 days of it and being stuck inside because of extremely bad weather- you get a little stir crazy. Jackies Dad had Alzheimers, and my Dad had been taking pain killers for some reason and couldn't figure out why he was throwing up all the time- you all know how much I like throwing up so can you understand why it was imparitive that we GO HOME??? I did save my Dad, literally, so it was a good thing I was there- I was the one who figured out why he was so sick. Idiot Doctors- another story for another time-

After 10 hours, we made it to a gas station in Idaho Falls- which should have taken only 4 hours, but we were that much closer to home so we were happy campers. Here is where the fun really starts though. Jackie decides she has had enough with flicking the windshield wipers so she politely asked the gas station attendant if he would replace the blades, a perfectly reasonable request under the circumstances. One teeny tiny problem though: Jackie is a bit blind at the best of times and a tad unobservant. She had not noticed that the attendant was minus one arm. She blissfully walks off to pay for the gas and leaves me in the truck with the one armed man. He was trying his darndest to change the windshield wipers with one hand and he was reeeeealy mad- can you just see it? And there I sit not knowing what to do- should I get out and offer to help? Sure- like I know how to change wiper blades!! Not a clue! I thought, maybe I could just get out and go inside the gas station and hide, but then that would look really rude. No, I just sat there trying not to watch the train wreck in front of me, and that guy was really ticked off. At some point I look over longingly at the gas station and there stands Jackie, first she is looking horrified at the situation, then she must have seen MY annoyed face because she breaks out in very inappropriate laughter which in turn starts my inappropriate laughter. I just hid my face as best I could and prayed he couldn't see my shoulders shaking.

It must be said here that Jackie and I have this very adverse effect on each other- for 33 years now we have been the seemingly insensitive brats in every awkward or embarrassing situation. We should know by now to avoid any eye contact in dire situations because this is what happens. It doesn't help that we are both very easily amused. Like the time we had a self breast examination class for Relief Society, complete with a movie- we shouldn't have looked at each other then either. Or the time I was giving a lesson in Relief Society and the little old ladies who are deaf and don't know how to whisper were really kicking it up making a racket and I looked at Jackie and put my gun finger to my head and pulled the trigger. That was a mistake! It's just an immature sad disaster each and every time, but we can't help ourselves.
I really don't know how the one armed gas man got the blades changed. It took an agonizingly long time. I know because I was stuck in that truck inches away from his angry eyes for the duration thereof. As we drove off, both of us in tears at this poor mans expense, and with me telling Jackie that if she ever did that to me again, I would personally throttle her with my own two hands, we noticed that the blades were still collecting ice and snow and they weren't one bit better. I watched the ineffective blades for a while and then I told Jackie to pull over. I got out and grabbed the wiper, reefed on it for all I was worth and Sheazamm. They worked. The only thing that was wrong with them was they had been pulled out too far by Jackie's constant flicking and they weren't touching the window. The blades that had been replaced by the one armed bandit were perfectly fine. We laughed ourselves silly all the way to Helena, Montana.

We reminisce about this event all the time, and we feel guilty and we try to keep straight faces in honor of the one armed man who replaced perfectly good wiper blades for two ditsy blonds who had no business being on the roads in a class 10 blizzard. We feel kind of bad...really we -snicker, sputter..do! Honest!